Dear Other Woman
I’ve addressed you directly a number of times since the affair came out but not for a while now. You’ve become so insignificant to me. You’re a mess, I can see that, your life has crumbled around you and I know that deep down, you know that you’ve brought that on yourself, but right now you’re living in your victim hood. I want to write about you right now cause you’ve injected yourself into our lives again out of nothing but spite.
Protecting yourself by trying to convince yourself that you’re not the person that has relationships with other peoples husbands, you’re not the woman that desperately needs attention so much that you’re willing to engage in a relationship with a married guy. I know you don’t want to believe that, but believe me you are. It’s exactly what you did and if you ever read this and that little voice in your head is saying no, she doesn’t understand, then remember, I’ve read everything between you.
You’re not a victim.
You’re not a victim.
Will it ever get through to you that by continuing to convince yourself that you are you are going to be one for ever, and you’ll also be entitled, selfish and arrogant just like you always have been. You can shake your head all you want, but I’ve read it all remember. I know how little a victim you are.
Do you remember the day you decided that my husband was an appropriate person to start flirting with? Was it that very first day you messaged him and stated that you were sorry that he had seen you crying, and you felt the need to text him on his personal number and tell him that your husband had formally requested that you separate. I don’t get why you even did that. You barely knew my husband. You barely ever spoke to him before other than peer reviewing his job application. What on earth were you doing? Do you get how odd it was? We do odd things in grief, I get that, you were mourning your marriage but I’m not sure what the hell you thought you were doing.
So your husband dumped you, your self esteem must have been rock bottom, seeing the problems you’d caused in your marriage and how it had failed, feeling the pain from the problems he had caused and you had stuck with him regardless. It must have stung to have him walk away. I’m sure that both of you were to blame for that, I’ve been at the end of a 13 year relationship too, I know how it feels. I know how deeply it hurts. I know how you want to wrap your baby in bubble wrap and hide from the pain you’re feeling. Which is why I’m so confused as to why you’d think it was ok to get involved in someone elses marriage. Why you would think that it’s ok to try and put someone else through that pain. You must have thought about it, when you were referring to my husband as “yours”, you coyly stated you knew it was wrong to do it but you did it anyway. You said you wanted to call him “mine”. He was never yours and he will never be. He’s not mine either. He’s not a possession to be fought over, but then from what I’ve read about you and what he’s told me about you, you like possessions. Things are important to you.
How did you feel through that affair? How did it feel to tell my husband, who was suicidal that he was fine, didn’t need therapy, and should talk to you not his wife about it? How did it feel telling him how much you wanted him to tie you up and fuck you? Living out some shitty fifty shades fantasy which from what your husband says about you is just that. Fantasy.
How did you feel when he sat you down that morning and told you he didn’t want you anymore. That you couldn’t be included in our marriage anymore? Did your heart break all over again?
That’s the risk you take isn’t it, when you get involved in a marriage. You don’t get to be the mistress because you’re better, you get to be a mistress because you’re willing to accept being second. An embarrassing secret which tanked my husbands mental health even further than it had already fallen.
On every occasion I found out you thought about yourself. First discovery your immediate reaction to him telling you that I knew about you both was “Why was she looking?”. Christ, do you hear yourself? The second time “So I’m in trouble now am I? She’s gunning for me?”. You even told my husband he was stupid to contact you then, that you’d told him not to at weekends. When he accessed the file about the relationship policy in your office you went off at him in case someone realised why he was looking. You really need to consider yourself, your values. It wasn’t about you, it was about the family that you helped to rip apart. Like I told you after that first day, this is why women get called bitches and whores, we all get tarred with the brush you’re using to paint yourself with.
Now it’s caught up with you and you are lashing out. You’re angry that I told your husband, the one you gas lit as he lived in your joint home with you. You may have been separated but you still lived together. You told him, he tells me, that you said he couldn’t have a relationship for 2 years while your divorce was finalised. All the time you were trying to screw my husband. When he called you on it, you lied, when your daughter even commented you were talking to him a lot, you lied. Or did you? Did you bring your 12 year old daughter in to the mess? You encouraged my husband to follow her on instagram. You blocked her own father from following her but you allowed your married affair partner to. I mean, does that not occur to you as very fucked up?
You judged my parenting with my husband together. I overslept one time, still got my son to school, but you both judged me “OMG she JUST got up?!”. You made out I was lazy, a crappy mother, not considering that I had worked 50 hours that week in a physically and mentally draining environment, I don’t sit on my ass all day like you. You judged my decisions on how to deal with the aftermath of the affair (during a time in which you swore you were not even speaking to my husband), and you judged me based on any half truth my husband gave you. I hold him responsible for the half truths that made me the bitch, but even now you still believe that’s who I am. You don’t see through it. I don’t know if you’re naive or stupid.
Now you’ve gone to your boss, my husbands boss too, and told him, with full dramatic tears that you feel uncomfortable when I’m there. When I come and visit my husband it makes you feel uncomfortable. Your affair ended in July but now you raise it. I’ve not been at your office since August but NOW you raise it. When you’ve had no contact from me. No non professional contact from him for months. You last saw me in September, and I have never ever spoken to you in person. Ever. I’ve never even attempted to approach you. Why would you chose to go after the one person who has done NOTHING wrong.
I see those victim defences shooting up, you haven’t taken any responsibility for yourself have you. You’ve convinced yourself that you were the victim, grieving your marriage and taken advantage of by my husband, but remember. I read it all. I read the over the top compliments. I read you telling him to come and hug you when he felt anxious. I read you telling him you wish he had a single brother or a clone. I read you telling him that you wondered what it would be like to be in bed with him. I read it all. So I know the reality, rather than the one that you have painted, and you aren’t a victim. You and he were as bad as one another, only he has taken responsibility and you’re still pretending that poor you are the injured party whilst you launch a smear attack against me.
You don’t seem to get what you’ve done. You’ve made my husband furious. You’ve made yourself look stupid. You’ve opened yourself up to a whole world of pain. What you don’t know, is that I might be working at that university soon. I’m a professional, an academic, and you wont stop me chasing my dreams.