I truly feel that I have the majority of the truth now. The recent ask me anything session has blown the lid off the lies and the trickle truths that you have been giving me and finally our cards are on the table. I’m still digesting but what it has prompted me to do is start looking at my boundaries. Start assessing what I believe I need to start my recovery. Yours is in full swing but because I didn’t know the things I didn’t know, I couldn’t start. You’re still learning too, sometimes things don’t go to plan, our biggest problem is still her. Your interactions with her, your need to pursue validation from her, your desire to be liked even if it’s by her.
Boundaries need to be there. I need commitments from you. Your affair means you need to be committed to us now no matter what that cost has to you in your discomfort and your workplace. You put yourself there now you have to listen.
I watched this video from affair recovery recently, they can say no, but things are going to change, it was possibly the most empowering thing I’ve come across in this journey. I’ll re watch it many times I think before I share it with you, I want to accept the message fully before I introduce you to it, you might well watch it anyway but I won’t bring it up, I won’t discuss it with you until I’m ready. The video is all about how the betrayed has to take some control of what they will and wont accept, of what they are happy to deal with and not happy to deal with, and what those commitments are that they need to start to recover.
I’ve said so many times that I had to drag you to the starting line and it’s true. You wouldn’t be where you are right now without me and I resent that, because once again I had to rescue you. I had to deal with you. You got there in the end though and look at where we are then.
So I listed to you my boundaries, and you responded to them, one by one, with your commitments to me. It was a moment which I will remember probably for a long long time. I felt that stirring in my stomach in a positive way for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t driven by panic but by relief. Your remorse, your commitment to me and our family began to thaw my heart and quelled my panic. Quelled the rumbling doom that lived in my soul since that very first day I realised that you loved someone else.
You committed to so much that addressed your affair and your person before your affair. The unsafe, unhappy and unreasonable person you had become. I wont share them because they are ours. They are the things we need to make us safe, happy and healthy again.
Dear husband, thank you for making it seem real that you’re here properly again. You’re my husband again. The person I want to love. We’ve a mountain to climb now but I’m beginning to trust you with the ropes.