This post is about our marriage recovery, an update if you like. I’m having a few issues with my computer at the moment so sorry if I’m a bit short and sweet on this one. When I started this blog it was to write my journal down, somewhere secure, but it’s grown in to so much more. This has been my salvation. You have been my salvation. My Instagram community. The lovely people who comment here and email me. I’m so glad I decided to spout my rage and my hurt on the internet because I’ve met some of the best people. The reason I say this is because I feel like I need to be honest with you all about where we are too. Cause I could write an instruction manual with all the things we know and have learnt over the last 9 months, I’m absolutely tempted to.
So where are we? Our Marriage Recovery…
Both of us are doing pretty well. We are very very busy which provides somewhat of a distraction but overall we still remember what is at the core of our lives right now and that’s our marriage. Marriage recovery is at the core of what we do. We are more considerate. More careful of each other’s thoughts, feelings and spotting when our behaviours are slipping. Compassion rules in our home now.
We are both in therapy. Both still seeing people individually before we move to couples therapy. I’ll write more about my experiences in therapy soon, I’m going to ask my husband to do the same. His therapy has been much more extensive than mine, however, he had much more to address than me. Its been so transformative for him. He can tell you about that though.
In Our Marriage Recovery, We still have rough days.
Marriage recovery is hard. We still have rough days. We still have times where intrusive thoughts get the better of me, days when defensiveness gets the better of him. Times when both of those things combine to create almighty blow ups. We still make mistakes. Still marathon sometimes. There are days when I cry out of nowhere.
The effect all of this has had on my son is very much at the forefront of our world right now, he’s been struggling and we are finally getting somewhere with supporting him better too.
We have more good days than bad now
I genuinely feel like that the balance is tipping, our good days last longer. If there is a cluster of bad days we know we can get through them. We have confidence in each other most of the time. I feel safer in our relationship more often than I don’t, and on those times I don’t I’m honest about it. No longer hide my feelings anymore and I’m open about my insecurities in our relationship. I have boundaries and I keep to them. That doesn’t mean it’s easy but it’s becoming much more natural the more I do it.
The biggest change in all of this is him. It’s his attitude. His approach. He’s addressed so much that was damaging him he’s grown exponentially as a person. I once told him that I think my biggest mistake was that I fell in love with who I saw he could be rather than who he was. Now he’s living up to who I saw in him. He’s working on being the absolute best person he could ever have been. He recognises there is still work there, but that he’s so much further down the road than he thought he could ever be. I’m actually very proud of him. I still sometimes wish he could have done it without wreaking havoc on our lives. Would we have still been together if he hadn’t? I don’t know that we would have been if I’m honest.
The Other Woman is Still Around
Well obviously because my husband works with her but she’s still there. Still in the background, still apparently “threatened” by my mere presence near her despite me never having ever gone near her. I sent her some emails which may have told her what a disgusting piece of shit I thought she was after she sent me lies about her life, but despite having the opportunity, I’ve never approached her in person. Never shouted at her. Never even given her the finger.
She, thankfully, has realised that there will be no reconciliation with my husband. That her fairytale (Grimms?) is over. I doubt she’s realised what a manipulative and disgusting person she ’cause that would take insight, reflection and heartfelt honesty with herself and honestly? I don’t think she’s got it in her. She’s still parading around like she’s a victim. She’s not. She wasn’t the victim when she instigated sexting with a married man. She wasn’t a victim when she encouraged him to lie to me. Not a victim when her response to my utter devastation was “why was she looking?”, she wasn’t a victim when she tried to convince my husband that he “accidentally on purpose” sabotaged himself with me because he didn’t really want a reconciliation, what he wanted was her. He wasn’t a victim either but this bit is about her.
Sound like a victim to you? No. Me neither.
I try not to focus on her. She’s alone. Lonely. Looking for a new supply to suck the life out of. She’s walked away from this without a single tarnish to her name.
Our Marriage Recovery, Is Hopeful.
Thank you for your continued and wonderful support. We both feel how much you lift us and help us through the worst of times. How you celebrate our good times. Thank you from our hearts. If you’re not a part of our Instagram community then please do join us there, it’s a great space full of support and love for one another.