Disclosure proves a sticking point for a massive amount of couples, the betrayed feels a counter intuative need to know all the details, painful or not. The unfaithful doesn’t want to drop themselves in it further or cause more pain. They may feel intense shame about what they have done and not want to face that, however with holding information, not answering questions honestly, being caught in lies about the affair, trickle truth, make everything worse and prevent the betrayed from moving on.
I know this, I had trickle truth galore followed by a final disclosure where I got the full truth. That is when I made it to the start line, some 6-8 weeks after he had started.
These are the videos that helped husband to understand why full disclosure was necessary. It also helped me to understand that I needed to help create an environment in which he felt safe to tell me what he had done.
He recommended this one: Reaching Ground Zero as one of the most important in his journey to full disclosure.
Do I tell or not tell talks about the importance of disclosure for healing.
The importance of not making decisions straight away in the haze of distress is explored in this video, it helped me realise that I had to cultivate an environment in which my husband could be honest.
There is a great video also on what to expect if you are not honest.
If you fancy some articles there are some handy ones here, here and this article here explores the good, the bad and the ugly of disclosure. This article talks about trickle truth and it’s destructive nature, this one nails it though, trickle truth is actually no truth at all.