Language

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When I first entered this world of infidelity I had to learn a whole new language, something that I would never have imagined I would ever have to learn, so I thought I would create a little bit of a reference for you all. Things like this are tough, concepts hard to learn, but you’ll get there. I will add things as they come up.

Betrayed – the loyal spouse
Unfaithful – the spouse who had the affair
Wayward Spouse (WS)– the spouse who had the affair
Mad hatter – someone who both had an affair and whose partner cheated on them
Affair Partner – the other person involved in the affair
Other Woman (OW) – the other woman involved in the affair

Trickle Truth – this is the action of the unfaithful only giving little bits of truth at a time and omitting information. This information always eventually comes to light and in a trickle hence trickle truth.

Full disclosure – is when the unfaithful spouse volunteers all the information, and continues to answer questions clearly and honestly.

Transparency – means knowing where he is, what he’s doing, who he is talking to online, and all passwords, phones etc being shared.

Safety – A lot of blogs, articles and videos will talk about creating safety and it’s something people struggle to get their heads around sometimes. Safety in a relationship is a many layered thing that a lot of people don’t realise they don’t have until it’s too late. Safety in this context is not about trust or forgiveness, however it is about being able to be vulnerable enough to start your recovery means your partner making themselves a safe person to be with and your relationship a safe place to be.

AMA – Ask Me Anything is a session whereby one person asks, one person gives the answers, honestly and fully.

Hidden Bodies – The problems in your relationship which have been buried in order to preserve the marriage or avoid confrontation. These usually relate to poor communication, certain behaviours, financial problems etc etc. They pre exist the affair and may have contributed to it, they are not an excuse for it though!

Affairing Down – The phenomena of men having an affair with someone who is “less than” their wives in appearance, intelligence or in other ways. This appears to be, and my husband has explained it as, a way of finding someone who boosts their ego when their self esteem if very low. Someone as needy and pathetic as they are at the time who will consistently boost them and who they feel they have a “safe” bet with, in my husbands explanation his affair partner could have been any woman that met his needs at that time. She wasn’t special in anyway and he’s now horrified at his choices.

October 12, 2018